Cephalopods For The Children

Squid themed child suitable items for a slow Friday

Even if you don’t take to the squids and octopi as a result of these posts you can’t blame me for trying. Just thank me that I haven’t included my other favorite animal in the posts – ants!

Octopus Field Bag from Deadworry
Rest comfortably in the knowledge that your child won’t be rolling into school with a Dora or Jonas Brothers backpack this year. No sir, your little darling will be representing the cephalopod nation come the first day back.

Octopus Acrylic Painting by Yankeedoodled
Setting aside the anatomical leg-related inaccuracy I think this is a pretty sweet print. One could argue that the other legs are hiding around back, or were eaten by a predator… but regardless this would look great on your kid’s desk.

Pink Plush Stuffed Octopus by Deweybaby
At first glance this struck me as a little gross, until I realized how awesome it was. Maybe not recommended if your child has a dog as I suspect the legs would be irresistible, but definitely cool otherwise.

Octopus Tentacle Earrings by OctopusMe
Maybe not for the youngsters, but if you have a little Goth around the house this may be seen as acceptable.

Plush Zombie Squid Hat / Pillow by ObeyMyBrain
No description needed… this is pure awesomeness.

How Wannabe Authors Name Their Children

A is for Atticus provides a way to get at unusual, interesting and literary names in a manner that provides the reader with “the name’s meaning, uniqueness, modern appeal and cultural significance.”

Hell, can you really go wrong?
With all the terrible names out there a little more selection can’t hurt. Especially when the book provides background and context for your decision.

Worst case you can use this to find that name to throw at your spouse that will make them more willing to accept the one you’ve been keeping to yourself all this time.

Getting Your Kids To Eat Right

How to make your kids eat healthy? Teach them where the food comes from.

I don’t need to go into the fact that kids these days don’t exercise enough, are overweight, spend too much time in front of the computer etc… we all know it, and in many cases we should be looking at ourselves in the same lens.

The difficult question becomes, with the advertising and pressure from others how do you convince your children to make healthy eating choices?

Popular Baby Products recently had a post on the topic and suggested 5 rules to live by. They are (paraphrased and with my commentary added):

Let your children shop with you, and let them understand the benefits of eating healthy.

  • Create a grocery list that only includes healthy options.
    There’s no easier way to stray from your original intent than to not have a map to follow. This is particularly true when the kids start pestering you for candies and chips. You need someone on your side, and that list can be your someone.
  • Don’t bend from this list once you’re at the store.
    You went through the trouble of creating a healthy shopping list. Don’t let the effort go to waste. Stay strong, and don’t let the children (or effective marketing) get to you.
  • Avoid fruit juice when feeding your kids.
    When I was a kid I drank about a gallon of orange juice a day. Strangely I didn’t get a cavity until I was 33… HOWEVER there is always an exception to the rule and let it be known that I was always outside running / biking / playing sports so I’m sure I burned off those calories and more. Don’t give them juice.
  • When you prepare meals for your children, include healthy snacks.
    When they’re hungry they’ll eat it… especially if there are no other options available and you’re not around to pester. Throw the carrot sticks in… I mean, what’s the worst that can happen? They thrown them out a couple times?
  • Set a good example yourself.
    This goes without saying, but is an easy one to break down on. If your kid finds out liquor is high sugar you could be in trouble. Call it fire water.

When children understand where their food comes from they're more likely to appreciate it.

Bullet Proof Baby. Protecting The Future, Today :)

Bulletproofbaby.net offers protection wear for your children

Ok, I’m confident that this is going to be an all-time favourite. I love sites that force you to guess, and investigate in order to tell whether or not they’re legit. A classic example is the Lasik @ Home spoof site that promises to sell you a kit that will allow you to perform home lasik surgery on yourself. Ridiculous? Of course. Hilarious? Yep.

The subject of today’s post is Bulletproof Baby. The site is exactly what you’re thinking… an offering of baby gear for those high risk, high stress, uber dangerous situations. The site offers baby riot gear and body armor… even chemical defense merchandise.

What does the site offer for your paramilitary child?

Protective clothing for children at risk. Protect your baby.

Baby camo which offers jackets, bibs, boots and dungarees.
Baby armor which offers jackets, riot helmets, bomb blankets and a little kiddie riot shield.
Baby homeware which includes a bullet proof crib, stroller and a toddler taser.
Baby chemical defence which includes a chemical defence suit to counteract chemical weapons, dirty bombs and nerve agents.
Finally, this appears to be the actual Merchandise available on the site via a link over to Cafepress.

This protective baby gear may not exist, but you can get stylish baby clothes from the site

So, it turns out the site doesn’t sell all these children’s items… are you surprised? Better question, are you relieved? I’ll bet you are. Either way, I expect at least half the folks who read this post end up forwarding it to a friend or 10 which is likely their aim in the first place.

Why don’t I think these baby and kid’s items are actually for sale? First all items are out of stock, and second… the prices are too good to believe. You can’t buy a stylish onesie for less than $40 yet a bulletproof baby flack jacket is only $70? Too good to be true.

Mission accomplished :)

Vinyl Cafe: Great Stories For Kids

There’s something about the CBC in Canada and NPR in the US that I find comforting. I don’t know if its the content, or the hosts or something I haven’t identified yet, but there are certain shows on each that just put me at ease immediately.

One of those in particular can put me in a relaxed mood no matter what’s going on that day, and has been able to for a very long time. That show is the Vinyl Cafe

Stuart McLean’s storytelling ability is legendary. And while I don’t necessarily agree with his musical tastes, I’ll happily sit through his musical guests to get to the stories about Dave, Morley, Sam and Stephanie. If you haven’t listened to the Vinyl Cafe, you should… and if you’re like I was, a Canadian living in the US and feeling a bit homesick you can listen too online or through the podcast.

Finally, it goes without saying, but if you have an opportunity to take your kids to a live taping of the show, you definitely should. I’m quite certain they’ll enjoy it.

“We may not be big but we’re small!”

Quite Possibly The Best Children’s Wear Offering Yet

Funny kids clothing. Funny kids gifts

Twisted Twee’s The modern child – unfriendly alphabet is quite possibly my favourite children’s clothing site to date.

How can you argue with educational material like:
A is for ashtray
R is for roadkill
U is for Uganda
T is for tablets
D is for dogpoo

Fortunately it doesn’t stop there with offerings like these for the kids and these for the folks.

Sure Kids Are Cute… But They Also Stink Quite A Bit

Yeah it smells. Yeah I have a match. What are you lookin at?

Today’s post is a cheap attempt to keep this blog current and I apologize for that. I also apologize to all the children out there for suggesting that they might stink worse than the adults among us. They don’t. They’re just smaller, and sometimes it’s shocking that such a powerful smell can emanate from something so small and precious.

But it can, and frequently does.

Because of that we can thank Dippylulu over at Etsy for offering up a selection of solutions for your stinky kids.

Stinky Sampler
Veggie Lites
Farty Lites
Stinky Lites

Feeling Sick Baby? Drugs Are The Answer.

What you shouldn't do is train your kids to take pills.

I have to say, I have mixed feelings about this one. The Placebo Store offers something called Obecalp which is a cherry flavoured, chewable tablet to give someone who insists on being medicated when perhaps they don’t need it.

What is it exactly? A small cherry flavoured sugar pill to act as – you guessed it – a placebo. Somehow I’m sure that more than a few parents frequent the Placebo Store to purchase these little babies for their kids. On the one hand I’m sure they’ve quieted more than a few kids. On the other… there are enough junkies in the world. Why start them off thinking medicating is the answer any earlier than you have to?

Twins, Triplets, Quadruplets… Septuplets!?!?! Oh Nooooooooo!

Ok, I’m sorry, but seven kids? A woman in Egypt just gave birth to septuplets (hah, that’s funny… my machine thinks septuplets is a typo and keeps recommending sextuplets), four boys and three girls. According to this article she’s only seen them on television and hopes to see them and name them soon. No kidding. I’d want to get in front of those kids as soon as possible and make sure they understand that they’ll be needing to earn scholarships if they’re planning on university.

Seven! Seven on top of three already at home.

This will be made all the more difficult given that the children’s father is a farm worker who earns $4 per day once or twice a week… I can’t imagine the pressure that family must be under. That said, when you’re making $4 per day and already have three kids at home should you really be taking fertility drugs and trying to conceive?

I’m curious to know what anyone out there thinks. I’m of the mindset that children aren’t a right, but rather a privilege if you have the means to support them. I know many people disagree with this, but I find it hard to justify having a child when a) you will have to rely on the government to support them and b) there is a good chance they will encounter significant hardship growing up as a result.